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VITRUVIUS
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17 februarja, 2016

19: V SVETEM BABI SE ZNAJDE VAMPIR

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‘- Laminat!

– Smreka!

– Laminat! Navaden laminat!

– V svoje izdelke ne bom dajala laminata, pa če ga Stirling položi v svojo pisarno, se obleče vanj in se zadavi z njim.

– Laminat, 44. razred, Basic Hrast. Povprečen in praktičen. Drhal ga ima rada, ker se ga dobro pobriše, hitro zamenja in ker nima grč, niti imitacij grč.

– Slabo mi bo.

– Meni tudi, ampak naše naročilo je PTH in Hagenbohmi bomo opravili svoje delo kar najbolj profesionalno. Smreka pa se ti bo takoj posedla, preseneča me, da pri svojem IQ-ju lahko predlagaš kaj takega.

– Mami, reci mu.

Alma Gris Hagenbohm napol sedi, napol leži v queen size bolniški postelji s pregibnimi deli za roke, noge, glavo in trebuh v luksuznem penthouse apartmaju Bolnišnice sv. Babe Fakrudina, kamor so jo odpeljali po akutnem srčnem infarktu, ki se ji je pripetil na slavnostnem kosilu v restavraciji Borovnica, grb in jelen. Če je res bil akutni srčni infarkt – njen kardiolog, doktor Ivan R. von Spreckelsen, zmeden in čuden (brat Almine najljubše medicinske avtoritete, doktor Romane von Spreckelsen) ima namreč pri diagnosticiranju določene zadržke in na vzrok za nenadno slabost Alminega srca še ne more pokazati s (svojim sicer izredno strokovnim, a zadnje čase malo strokovno pišočim) prstom. Almo v času hospitalizacije, zaradi katere je zamudila že dva treninga v Telesu Pepa in težko priborjeni sestanek pri Romani, redno obiskujejo njeni najbližji, občasno in bolj potihem pa tudi Peter Bram. Največkrat je prijetno združeno s koristnim: tako so tretji dan Olga, Alma in Jakob v minimalistično opremljenem penthouseu sv. Babe že pred zajtrkom sredi razgrete debate o standardni talni oblogi za osnovni (Charlie Bucket) model pärnujske tipske hiše.

Ožja družina Gris Hagenbohm še vedno vključuje tudi Lili Sanelo, ki ni še nikomur izdala, da vé, da v resnici v ta priviligirani ozki krog ne spada. O ne, do tega razkritja, ki ji bo življenje postavilo na nove koordinate, se enostavno ne more pripraviti: zdaj, ko je mami (sestrična!) v nevarnem okolju (Lili Sanela se bolnišnice sv. Babe Fakrudina, kjer so vse stene zelene in kjer je kot otrok prebolela nevaren izbruh vodenih koz, potihem še kar boji), pa sploh ne. Njena notranjost je bojišče med seboj nasprotujočih si občutkov, zato je že več dni povsem neuporabna za kakršno koli resno debato. Družina Gris Hagenbohm se za Lili Sanelin molk ne zmeni: morda se jim zdi, da je otrok še premlad, da bi imel o talnih oblogah relevantno mnenje, še bolj verjetno pa je, da so na njeno tiho prisotnost pozabili.

Vstopi doktor Ivan R. von S.

– Alma, novice imamo. Izgleda, da vaša zamašitev žil vendarle ni bil srčni infarkt. Pravzaprav do prave zamašitve sploh ni prišlo. Ne vem, kako naj vam ubesedim, saj gre v medicini za, kot se zdi, do sedaj popolnoma neznan pojav, a videti je, da vaše arterije ovira zunanja, a hkrati notranja ovira. Na kaj takega nismo še nikoli naleteli in drznil bi si trditi, da celo moji kolegi v Centru za Vse Bolezni Carski Chicago tudi ne. Vaše težave so nekaj izjemno redkega, mogoče celo edinstvenega, čeprav ne brez podobnosti z drugimi prelomnimi primeri iz zgodovine medicine.

Glas dr. Ivana R. je zelo slovesen.

– Kaj je narobe z mano?

– Zdi se, da na vaši desni koronarki sedi neko bitje in jo stiska.

– Bitje?

– Kot zajedalec. Bolj natančno, kot krvoses. Na vaši desni koronarni arteriji sedi nekakšen krvoses in jo sesa.

– Prosim?

– Kaj? Bljaaaaak!

To je Lili Sanela, ki se je zbudila iz otrplosti. Glas doktorja Ivana R. se trese od zanosa.

– Draga Alma, na vaši desni koronarni arteriji sedi neznan krvoses neznane genealogije. Sedi na žili, se pravi se žila ne maši od znotraj, ampak nevarnost za njo prihaja od zunaj. Obenem pa, ker krvoses živi v vašem telesu, je nevarnost tudi interna. Če ga ne odstranimo, vam bo posesal vso kri in boste morali živeti na zunanjem obtoku.

Odstranitev vašega vampirčka bo zdaj naša glavna prioriteta. Klanjam se. Mogoče mi boste rešili kariero.

– Kako boste tega hudirja odstranili iz žene?

– Tega še ne vemo. Seveda bi bila za ta tip zdravljenja bolj primerna klinika Božični puding, ampak …

– Ampak je zaradi smrti starega strica Daniela še vedno neodprta.

– Zato bi vas prosil, da mi dovolite, da zajedalca poskušamo odstraniti tukaj, v sv. Babi Fakrudinu.

– Kako je prišel noter?

– Verjetno ste ga zaužili s hrano. Slišal sem za primer v Polineziji … Poklicati moram kolege v Carski Chicago. Za zdaj lahko samo ugibam. Ura pa teče.

V tistem trenutku vstopi Roudavski. V roki drži velik šop polinezijskih drevesnih tulipanov.

– Alma? Kako si?

mala

Piše: Eva Mahkovic

Riše: Eva Mlinar

 

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