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INDIGO
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29 septembra, 2017

Horoskop

OVEN

Na enga sem navlečena že celo življenje prek popkovine. Oven me je rodil. Skoz morjo bit ta glavni, in vse majo oni prov. Bi rekla, da so obsedeni s pucanjem, ker majkin flet se blešči, moj je pa večen razčefuk. K eni preveč samozavestni generali. Za ziher pa niso tečnobe v stilu: »In kdaj bom jaz vnuke dočakala?«

BIK

Zmanipulirala velik ljudi v svojem življenju, cepetala z nogami: »My way or the higway!«, ampak če si bik fukne baterije v trmo, ga ne premakneš. Surli hujš k ti, ne odstopa od svojega, vmes ma pa še cajt si nove cunje kupovat. Pri njih ti tud štrik nč ne pomaga. Ker kamor je šel bik, nej gre še štrik.

DVOJČEK

Dvojčke mam rada. Smo tam tam, kar se horoskopa tiče. Gobčni, na hojladri. Vedno pripravljeni kakšno zakuhat, da si začinimo mal življenje, k je tuga, če ne. Ampak majo pa una dva ksihta, k nikol ne veš, na kerga boš naletel. In pol morš bit ti čist kao happy, če majo dober dan. Hvala za rože in podoben bullshit.

RAK

Ja pa rakci, buci buc. Mati ovnica mi je hotla cel life prodat zgodbo, da brata morm razumet, ker je občutljiva duša. Da je on zaprt vase, pa ne vem kaj. A dej ne seri. A zdej se bomo šli res po horoskopih disciplino doma? In čist vsakmu raku se ful fajn zdi, ko jim rečeš, da so eni softiči v seb. Vi kr bodte k en ekonom lonec, pa vse v seb držte, pol vam pa en dan pokrov v luft fukne, pa ni čudn, da lokomotiva iztiri. Jaz bom kr naprej rajš bruhala vse takoj ven, sej sem zmaj po kitajskem horoskopu.

LEV

Levi so tipični Ronaldoti. Ne bi bli Messiji za noben keš. Šetajo po svetu, k da bojo dal glihkar čelno soncu. Ne može nam niko ništa party. Kao, jaz kralj živali. Ja pa kaga še, fucking Tarzan najboljš. Zanč sem enga frenda napizdila, da zakaj si pušča dolge lase, kok je bolj cute s kratkimi, pa je takoj začel po levje ven padat. Šele frend zraven je dojel in me opozoril: »Pa ne morš levu grive kritizirat.« Sam res. Sam kaj, ko se tud ogenj v meni rad vžge.

DEVICA

Device so una bitja, mi vsi normalni,vsi enakopravni: »Dejmo met familijo, psa in želvo, bajtico, kokice, pa objemimo se.« Varnost je key. Zvestoba do groba, pa take. Pa najbolj beden kao vic ever morjo vsakič prenašat, če jih kdo za horoskop vpraša. »Kje, spred al vzad?«

TEHTNICA

Tehtnica sem jaz v podznaku. Al kaj pa vem. Lahk me je spet stric google kej nalagal. Jaz bi pa res mogla bit kej bolj glamuroznega v podznaku. Tehtnica me spomni na sodnijo, pa me pol kr mine vse. Verjetno to vse neki tuhtajo, kalkulirajo, pa se itak na konc zajebejo. Če sklepam po seb. Glede na to, kolkrat tuhtam, al it po ganjo al po pir, z zadnjimi centi, pol verjetno podznak kr drži.

ŠKORPIJON

Sem že v drugi knjigi napisala, da smrt je ziher po horoskopu škorpijon. Najbolj zajebano znamenje ever. Tuki je pamti pa vrati, pa magar mi cela družina vmes pocrka. Pa odvzad zna sam začet padat. Na ta hinavsko. Moj horoskop je pa prenežen za take zajebancije.

STRELEC

Kako je bit strelec, vprašte Keitha Richardsa, pa Ozzyja. Pa mene. Sem uletela k raketa iz majke na 29. november in je blo vse nažgano v bolnici. Važn, da ni blo treba nikol it v šolo za moj rojstni dan. Strelci smo sicer konkretni ego tripi (jaz, jaz, pa še enkrat jaz), ampak dobrovoljčki. Mogoče mal prenaporni s tok energije v seb, ampak pri nas ni low udarcev. Vse direktno in iskreno. Lahk nas fukneš v druge države, drugi jeziki, mi bomo tam k doma. Vse je naše. Kot sem že enkrat napisala: »Jaz sem k ganja. Kamor me fukneš, tam zrastem.«

KOZOROG

Hja, škoda za njih, da jim ni ratal bit strelci. Ne vem, zakaj mam na njih medle spomine. Sem že bla spet kej jeznorita, pa niso prišli do besede. Ob njih se vedno spomnim na sladoled. Taki, nč škodljivi. Če je lahko sploh neki, k ma roge, neškodljivo.

VODNAR

E, moji vodnarji. Men je en tok živcev pobral, da no comment. Čeprov sem pol ta no comment razvlekla v knjigo. Neukrotljivo. To se ne da strenirat. Prej bojo vsi okoliški mački postrojeni na mojo komando kokr en vodnar. Probi ga zapret v kopalnico, pa vržt ključe stran. Fuck, mogoče sem pa vodnar v podznaku?

RIBI

Ribe so vseskoz v depri. V ničemer ni smisla življenja. Pa še un cinizem furajo skoz k ta veliki. Preden prideš do njihovih ta zares čustev, je deseta sezona Kardashiank vmes. Pa še to so taki lopovi, da če že misliš, da si tam tam, ti spet spolzijo iz rok.
Piše: Tereza Vuk
Riše: Matevž Granda

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